That friend I mentioned in the last post sent me a message tonight reminding me of the somewhat racy pictures I once sent him as a birthday gift. He's kept them for several years now and continues to look at them on occasion, despite now being in a committed relationship. I fail to see the point in bringing these pictures up, but such is my life, where men like to remind me what could have been and how it is somehow my fault that it wasn't. He ended our chat saying that he was going to go think about the pictures some more and what could have been, at which point I reminded him that he had had many chances.
A similar situation came up a few months back, when someone that I can pretty safely say I've been in love with for years basically told me that it was my fault things didn't work out between us. There's a whole long story behind it, but essentially he said I made him feel inadequate and he just couldn't get past it. I had apologized for said situation many times and had tried my best to repair our relationship but he refused to acknowledge my attempts. So although I can look at logically and say, how was it my fault? He knows me well enough to know that I would play into his guilt trip and would beat myself up for "ruining" what I had wanted for so many years.
So I'm a mistress, I'm a martyr of sorts...what other labels can we throw at me? Apparently girlfriend just doesn't fit.
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